This is the new thing I'm trying out for 2020!! You submit a question to me, I pull a tarot card or two for your question, then I write a short interpretation connecting the card to your question. One of my favourite voices on tarot, Jessa Crispin, did this in her old newsletter (and maybe does this still for her new one) and I loved it a lot. I wanted to give it a go and see how I'd fare as a tarot reader and a writer. I’m still messing around with the format (how many cards I pull, length, tone of voice etc) so I hope you can bear with me as I figure it out!
This edition has one personal question and one "technical" question about interpreting the Kings and Queens in tarot. Thank you to the people that submitted questions. If you'd like to submit one, you can do so here. If you have any thoughts/ideas/feelings about this new thing, let me know by replying this email (I’m also @syarsalia on Twitter and Instagram)! I'd love to get your feedback.
How do I better process my anger when I feel betrayed or slighted in a work performance review? External recognition is something I’m usually quite “at peace” with but this situation made me angry as I felt my effort was being taken advantage of. I’m really trying to balance fighting for what I thought I “deserve” to draw boundaries (like The Emperor card) while concurrently trying to release the need to “control” the outcome.
I pulled you three cards based on some of the feelings I felt from what you sent in: something to release, something to fight for, and something to nurture.
Cards from the Neo Tarot deck by Jerico Mandybur. Full image descriptions at the end of the newsletter.
Something to release: Four of Pentacles
Taking inventory of our resources is a pragmatic way to figure out what we need, what we lack, what we have, and what we want to strive for. It tells you what foundation you are building on. Taken to the extreme, it can foster a kind of doomsday-prepping mentality that puts you on edge. The figure in this card seems to be in repose but is surrounded from all angles by steps and ladders, working on maintaining their hold on the four pentacles they have. Release the desire to account for every grain of rice, and exhale. If you feel your effort was taken advantage of, note where you have felt like it was recognised. A quick email from a colleague? Assurance from a family member you've confided in? Your own sense of satisfaction? Take inventory of successes and affirm for yourself that you have put in the work, that you have confidence in the work, that you know it contributed to something bigger, even if it wasn't witnessed in the review. Don’t let knowing what you have lead to thinking about what you don’t have. Know your material contributions, affirm your material security, and try and hold on to the idea of it all being enough (the more impossible this seems, the harder you have to work to see it that way — do you have people in your corner, can you afford to take a personal day, is your next meal assured, are you still alive?), before you take next steps.
Something to fight for: Nine of Cups
Do not lose sight of what means a lot to you. The Nine of Cups talks about emotional contentment and satisfaction. Abundance brings us peace and the ability to take time, to breathe, to enjoy the fruits of our labours, and say, "I've got this." What actions can you take about your work performance review — in the short, mid, and long term — that can get you closer to this feeling? Is it taking time to write down your thoughts and schedule a follow up meeting with your immediate supervisor? Is it confiding in a trusted colleague or other confidante that can allow you to vent and express emotions about work? Is it settling for carrying some aggravation as motivation, and setting a timeframe for yourself and your workplace to get on the same page about your contributions and how you should be remunerated? Is it saying, I've had enough, I think I can do better, I can't take this anymore, and honouring those voices by laying down plans for change? In the day to day as you work towards this larger vision of being at peace, how can you inject smaller moments of zen to carry you through?
Something to nurture: Four of Swords
An on the nose interpretation here could be "Lay down your sword." You say you are trying to balance fighting for what you deserve while trying to release the need for control. One doesn't have to cancel out the other. Fighting for what you deserve starts with and involving having a very firm knowledge of what you want for yourself, what you won't compromise, and what you're willing to work on to attain your happiness. It involves fine tuning the language of want and desire for yourself and being open to your goals changing. Releasing the need for control still serves that fight, it's you telling yourself "My energy is better spent elsewhere, in the service of my larger goals." But betrayal hurts, I know. Feel that hurt, make time for it, and rest through it. You have many clashing and sharp voices in your head right now, so give yourself the gift of silence when you can. Sleep, think about other things, remind yourself your world is bigger than how others judge your work, and so are you.
Could you help clarify some difference between the king and queen court cards? Lots of sites list them as some kind of mastery of different fem/masc traits, but that simplistic binary isn't actually that helpful. Nor is the whole "kings are more masterful than queens" hierarchy, which is all kinds of ew. How do you tend to think of their difference?
Court cards, which are sometimes also called face cards, are tricky for a lot of people figuring out tarot. Hierarchies and binaries are abundant in lots of different tarot decks, interpretations, writings. It's also inspired a lot of people to reinterpret things, and that's maybe my first tip to developing an understanding of the court/face cards that sit better with you: look into decks that don't follow the traditional labels for these cards. The Wild Unknown goes with a nuclear family structure* (Mother, Father), decks with a matriarchal bent like Thea's Tarot, Dark Goddess, and Herbcrafters Tarot go with Daughter, Witch, Madre and Mother, Hag, Curandera. Other decks try not to gender their face cards at all, Slow Holler has their Architects (connected to Kings) and then Visionaries (connected to Queens), while Spacious Tarot has Guardians and Elders. And these are just the ones I know about!
What this has helped me do in my own interpretations is I now think of both cards as equal, and divorced from a masculine/feminine binary. I don't use those words in my interpretations, because to me they aren't descriptively useful. To me, both cards talk about our relationship to authority and power (others' and our own), how we express those things in our lives and with our community, how we inhabit leadership in whatever area of life, how we handle expectation, duty, obligation, pressures, how we navigate our desire for recognition. Where it differs is perhaps where their powers/authority live, or how much they can amplify it. For example, maybe a Guardian is bound in some ways to responsibilities that perhaps come from the culture they're a part of, ways of doing things that have come down from past elders. That isn't to say you can't forge your own way or rebel as a Guardian, just that in comparison, an Elder will have more available power to set the terms, and what they then have to deal with is how they set those terms, and what they have to consider. They're both filling necessary roles, part of a larger picture, and can either find fulfilment or discontent within the scope of their influence.
I use time as a way to mark the difference too: if you pull the Architect of Pentacles one month, and the Visionary of Pentacles the next, what if you don't read them as 2 different people/characters, but the same person at different timestamps? What do they know/don't know at different times in their lives and experience, how does that effect their actions and decisions? It's okay to me to read the King card to be more "masterful" than a Queen card (perhaps I'd use a different word) because to me, time and access and being invested in — by systems, by other people, by yourself — can level you up. It doesn't make one card better or more inherently suited to power.
Lastly: another way to break from hierarchy and binary is to remember that surrounding cards, elements and other contextual information is just as important to help you figure out what a Queen/King card means in your life at that time. Power and authority and any kind of mastery doesn't exist in a vacuum. The Queen of Cups will have more knowledge and certainty in the realm of emotion and feeling than the King of Pentacles would. How can they learn from each other? How can a querent hold different ideas of themselves at the same time and see that they will always be students in some parts of their lives, and masters in others, and that this is a cycle of rinse and repeat?
* This nuclear family structure has its own issues re: the masculine/feminine binary, but it did help make the court/face cards feel more "domestic" for me, and easier to relate to. I worked much more with this deck when I first started learning tarot, and less so now.
Previously, I wrote about The Emperor. “I still fear that every no is a door closed forever, is the end of any further requests. It feels like retreating from a kingdom I've built (my reputation, my cache as someone appealing to work with and to include) and I fear losing what I've built. I fear being forgotten.” If you’ve been enjoying the newsletter and would like to support the work, here’s my tip jar. Thanks so much for reading.
Image description: Three cards are leaned against two teracotta pots with a fairycastle cactus in the smaller one on the left and a trio of sansevieras in the larger one on the right. The bright green spines of an aloe plant is in the background on the right. Left to right: Four of pentacles. A figure with a short low ponytail and gold hoop earrings wearing a green jumpsuit is positioned in the center, holding a pentacle (gold disk with a darker gold five pointed star) in both hands with their face pointed downward. Their left leg is bent at the knee at nearly 90 degrees with a pointed foot atop another pentacle placed on a pink ledge, their right leg dangling with foot fully atop a pentacle placed on the bottom step of purple stairs, and the last pentacle is behind their head. They are perched on a pink ledge, with pink and purple geometric shapes surrounding their top half. Nine of cups. A figure in a white long sleeved jumpsuit with puffy sleeves sits atop a black ziggurat, a peaceful expression on their face with their forearms crossed gently over their crossed legs. Above them float nine white goblets. Two green plant with long leaves are on either side of them, a bowl of red spheres (fruits?) in a pink bowl at the bottom of the card under their dangling feet, and more red spheres to theleft, on the steps of the ziggurat. Four of swords. In the centre, a figure in an all black outfit with a pattern of grey narrow rectangles sleeping on their side, their head on their left arm, their left hand curved over their head as their right hand rests next to their face. Below them a sword with a long pink hilt (blade pointing right, in the direction of the figure’s head) and above them three similar swords pointing downwards. In the background: green steps top left, brown rectangle bottom left, red quarter circle top right, and purple quarter circle bottom right.