Writing these Tarot Letters is something I look forward to every month. It is a joy and a blessing for me to make the time to sit with myself and with the things you choose to share with me, as a way of having a kind of conversation together. Thank you, as always, to those who have sent me questions. Please know I try my best to make a strong, soft space to be with each q, to channel the energies that come to me, through me, to you, and I hope it comes through in my answers.
For this edition, I answer four questions — all felt a little bit different this time. I hope you enjoy reading, or find something that resonates with you. Shares and likes are always appreciated! You can send me more questions at this open form here. Previously, I recorded a short podcast about the mini story arc of growth and change within the six, seven and eights of the tarot minor arcana. If you’ve been enjoying the newsletter and would like to support the work, here’s my tip jar.
All cards featured are from Neo Tarot; image descriptions of the cards are at the very end of the newsletter.
L1: My ex-best friend (whom I had a painful falling out with) has resurfaced with an olive branch. At the same time, my ex has finally made progress towards something more than civility. Should I be welcoming these energies back into my life? Are they coming back as a caution/lesson or a second chance? HELP.
Do not discount the past here. Continue validating your history with these two people, who have clearly held positions of meaning in your lives, validate your understanding of how you have hurt them and been hurt by them, your understanding of why they didn’t move with you from the past to the present. Do not also discount the present. Take a good hard look at the space that opened up without them in your life — what have you filled it with? What new things have you learned? What new needs do the things in that space have, to be happy and flourish? Then: what good things would your exes bring to this present space, to present you, or would their re-entry purely serve the boarded up rooms of the past?
There’s always hesitation as we grow beyond what we used to know about ourselves. Our own ability for transformation can sometimes scare us into thinking, I must not know myself, or I must be lying to myself, when I said I wanted X or Y so badly only to be so ready to leave X or Y behind later on, so able to make do without them. Our lives are not linear; we encounter the same things and people at different times in our journey, as different people ourselves, and we are capable of many different reactions, responses, receptions, and experiences.
You may feel the pull to meet these elements of your past life as a past self. But no one’s saying you have to pick between rolling out the red carpet for them or slamming the door in their face. What if the olive branch is a long-delayed ending to a forgotten story? Does something more than civility warrant a great restructuring, or can you accept the joy of that growth without compromising your present state? What if it’s neither a lesson nor a second chance? Welcome these energies only insomuch as it feels right, and think also about what level or kind of energies that you have right now and want to give them — if the answer is nothing at all, that’s fine. It is not a rejection of others to receive what they are offering without reciprocation. Focus on what you feel you owe yourself now, not what you owe your history and theirs.
L2: How do I manage people's projections of their fears without making it my own? I recently came out as queer to my parents, and although their responses were not the best it wasn’t as bad as I expected either. However, my parents told me not to come out to my siblings, which is what I was planning to do much later, and this "advice" has subconsciously been bothering my mental space.
Congratulations on coming out to your parents, I think that must not have been easy and that you must have been brave to do it for yourself, but also for them — as a way to share a very important part of your life and who you are with people who matter to you (in whatever way applies). The Six of Pentacles talks a lot about give and take, about the exchange of all the currencies that exist in our lives (including and beyond monetary currency).
When I think about the exchange you shared with them, I wonder if you felt trust in yourself to speak your truth and to weather whatever their response would be. I wonder if you allowed yourself to hope and believe in your parents’ love for you. I wonder if you held strongly the sacredness of what you were sharing, the sacredness of your queerness, and held strongly the faith that this part of you deserves love and acceptance regardless of who does and doesn’t give it to you.
I wonder not because I doubt you, but because I hope for all these things to live in your heart, then and now, as you continue navigating life and figuring out when and what and how to share yourself with others. You have given your family a gift, whether they see it as such or not. The gift is honesty and openness and trust. But there are limitations to what you can give. The fears and doubts that arise within them are their monsters to slay, and perhaps how they know to do that is to try and push the sword into your hands and tell you, “Kill it, sooth it, do anything, just make it go away.” You don’t have to take the sword. You only have to hold what your hands want to hold. Your story and your Self is yours, the choice of who to share it with is yours, you have the best understanding of what is risky, necessary, and worthwhile for yourself. Give that back to yourself. Sending you a lot of love.
L3: Life has been unfolding in strange ways and I am aware that there are many things outside of my control. That said, I think I've lost my connection to the feeling of satisfaction and enoughness. How can I access this feeling again?
Give yourself permission to look outside yourself! Have you borne this loss alone, do you feel wary of sharing it with others for fear of burdening them, of boring them, of losing their interest or respect? The Three of Cups is a card of sweetness, of sharing, of baking a cake and setting a table, and calling those who love you to come and eat with you. Sometimes we feel we are not doing enough, that we are not enough. In those times, it is okay to call on others to fill your cup, to ask someone you trust — please help me, I am not feeling good, I am not feeling sure, please share some of your strength and wisdom and love with me, please hold my hand. Sometimes you need someone else to bake the cake just so you can taste something sweet. If everything I’ve described has made you instinctively cringe or withdraw, take a few minutes with that and breathe through it. What is scary about that request, what is scary about reaching out, what is scary about doing that with the trust that someone will reach back, because love exists for you outside of yourself? Good luck!
L4: What should I channel my energy into at this particular moment in time?
Surrender. Truly, really take that word into yourself, absorb it into every cell, and then try your best to embody surrender with your whole body and mind. In my experience, it takes far more energy to loosen and allow ourselves to let go because our grip on the things that make us feel rooted and secure is deathly strong. That is our instinct for survival. Would you believe me if I said surrender comes from the same place? The Ten of Swords illuminates the very end of the line, a finite and certain full stop at the end of a sentence. There is no beyond to keep going into, you are done. Let that really sink in for you — what does it mean to be done? To not immediately think, what next? Where is the gift and the gratitude in that, and can you let yourself enjoy it?
Because I am me, and I my instinct is often to soften, I pulled another card to accompany the first. I’ll say less about it but I encourage you to really look at the card and study it. Cups in tarot is the element of water, the realm of your emotions and care. The Ace is an offering. It exists before, during, and after your time pinned down by ten definitive swords. Your energy to channel wherever you choose, wherever feels best, wherever allows it to flow.
May both cards help you in this extraordinary moment.
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Image descriptions: All cards photographed against weathered wood blinds, in sunlight. Seven of Swords - A figure with short dark hair, dressed in a mauve jumpsuit is carrying five swords in their hands. They are at the bottom of some stairs and about to go through a doorway with a curved arch. They are looking back to their right at two swords hanging on the wall, and we cannot see their face. Six of Pentacles - A figure with a long braid and wearing a white jumpsuit with a pattern of assorted black geometric shapes has their hands outstretched to two sitting/kneeling figures on either side of them. The figures are dressed in pink, holding up a bowl, in which the central figure is depositing colourful geometric blocks/shapes. The ground is green beneath them and the sky behind them is blue with clouds. Their expressions are neutral and calm. Three of Cups - Three figures, some seemingly female, stand in a tight circle facing each other. A dark-skinned figure with short hair in a yellow jumpsuit, a lighter skinned figure with slightly longer black hair in a pink jumpsuit and a tan figure with brown hair in a green jumpsuit, face not visible to us as they face the other two. All three have a hand stretched out away from the circle holding a white cup. On the right a white plint holding a bowl of oranges, on the left a purple plinth holding a curvy white vase that contains a tall green frond. Behind them a purple archway and a black wall. Their expressions are neutral and slightly smiling. Ten of Swords - A figure in purple is laid out on their belly with their face turned away, their feet anchored to the top of some green steps while their head is rested on a slightly higher brown platform. They hang between the two structures like a bridge. Ten straight swords with pink handles are embedded in their body from head to toe. There is a yellow circle in the black sky with dark pink clouds slightly obscuring the edges. Ace of Cups - At the bottom a pool of water with a red-orange lotus-like flower creating ripples from the center. Above, a hand emerging from a yellow cloud holding a large white goblet with a fountain of water coming out from it. The sky is pink.